I haven't written in a little bit, I just haven't really had anything interesting to say. I still really dont LOL but I wanted to let you know I was still here. Thanks for those who left comments and enjoyed my story and my poem.
I've just been helping my mom make toffee, peanut brittle, and fudge ever since I got off work (it would be last night since it's 5:26 in the morning) and it was my first year I really got in and helped instead of watching. My mom is the best cook i've ever seen and i dont just say that cause she's my mother, everybody says she should open up her own bakery and my brother and I's friends are always begging her to make them something. When people taste my moms cooking they understand why i'm fat LOL!
Anyway, every year around christmas she makes toffee and peanut brittle to give to people as presents. She likes to arrange them in cute little christmas tins. IT really warms her heart because she feels like that's the only thing she's good at and she likes letting people know she's thinking about them. She's just a sweetie like that.
She's always telling me how every since she was a little girl she used to love seeing her mom cook. She would be so young she had to stand on a box to reach the counter, she had a little apron and she would help her mother cook. She did that all her life, and her life was not easy. She mostly had to depend on herself and so she ended up getting very good at cooking. So now she has dozens of family recipes and her toffee is one of the imfamous recipes.
Well anyway, like I said this year I not only helped her, I did most of it myself, she mainly just supervised and made sure I didnt burn the house down LOL. Mamma says i'm a natural and i'm really good at spotting when the colors just right. That means a lot coming from her. Maybe there's hope for me after all LOL.
Anyway, we are making TONS of candy this year so we have enough to give to everyone since I have a lot more friends than I used to. I already made a list and I have named almost 20 people I want to give tins to and my mom wants to give some to her boss's. Maybe I will even give some to my boss's, not sure they deserve it though (JUST KIDDING! lol)
I did my christmas shopping on friday because that's when I got paid. I didn't have much money to do all that much, I mainly just care about getting my mom and brother presents. Last year I managed to spent like hundreds of dollars on both of them, not quite sure how I did that!! I think I didn't have as many bills and I was a lot more prepared then. So I feel bad I can't really do anything this year but at least I can do something right?
I bought my brother a 100 dollar drumset for his rockband. He is nuts about rockband and he already has the guitar and microphone and I thought he would love to have the drums for it. Now he can invite his friends over and they can all play it at the same time. He might go to jail soon, there's no tellin when but i'm pretty sure it's goin to happen, so I gave him his present early cause there's not even a guarentee he will be here on christmas.
I won't tell you what I got my mom because she might read this haha!! but I feel horrible cause it's not nearly enough. But walmart didnt have a very good selection when I was down there (I know, I was shocked too lol). Anyway, I know my mom and she's too humble and sweet to scoff at it, she will love it because it's from her rosebud and she's just happy to have a present.
Then I bought my main best friends little gifts and that's all I could do. My best friend Teri is a hard person to shop for, because she doesn't really want anything LOL. But she is even doin worse on money than I am and she used to love going down and getting her nails done but she hasn't in forever because she doesn't have the money anymore. So I told her we would go down sometime this week and she would get her nails done. I have to get mine done too because I know Teri and she won't do it if I cant get mine done too.
Anyway, this week my brother and my mom have been decorating the house with christmas lights and the christmas tree. We didnt put up as many lights this year. My mom's getting older and she doesn't have the energy to do as much as she used to. But we didnt want to look like scrooges so we decorated our porch and it looks cute. We used to always get real trees but my mom doesn't like having to vacuum pine needles so we bought a fake tree last year, it looks kinda pathetic until you get it all decked out with decorations then it looks cute. There's a pretty glowing star on the top. yay! Now all we need is presents to put under it.
I already know what my mom is giving me, because I overheard her talking about it to my brother. Poor mom, I have to good of hearing and my brother is too much of a loudmouth LOL! My mom has a major thing about things need to be given or done RIGHT ON the holiday and it needs to be a suprise. So she was really dissapointed so much she thought about taking it back and getting something I couldn't guess. But I told her not to because I really could use what she got.
Like I said before, I work cleaning buildings, and it can get really quiet and boring. So my mom thought, it would help a lot if I could listen to music while I work, so she got me a really expensive IPOD. I really wanted an ipod because all my co-workers and friends have ones and I dont and it gets way too quiet at work sometimes and I wanted to be able to listen to music, it would make work go by a lot easier. So I know there's really no sense on waiting till christmas and unwrapping my gift, but with my moms obbsession, I let her wrap it anyway. LOL.
Anyway, I better try to get some sleep. With my sleeping disorder 9 times out of 10 I stay up all night until like 7 or 8 in the morning. Most of the time it doesn't matter because my main friends are night owls too so I can just text with them and I dont work till the evening so I can sleep during the day. But tomorrow it's my best friend Abby's birthday and so i'm going to lunch with her so I better get some sleep so I can actually function LOL.
I hope everyone is having a good holiday!!
Melissa
P.S. I found out I have to work on christmas eve, which is very depressing considering my family has always celebrated christmas on christmas eve, not christmas day. All we do on christmas day is have dinner. This year for dinner we are having ham with my moms homemade ham glaze AND primerib roast. My brother is a loser who couldn't decide what he wanted more and my mom being a fabulous cook (as i said before) and being a sweetheart (again, as i said before) she offered to make both. Like a true fat kid, I dont care either way. As long as we eat. LOL. We are also having mash potatos and gravy, corn, rolls...gosh i'm hungry HAHA.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Friday, December 5, 2008
Original Poem By HOOVER4000 (written November 15, 2008)
I Feel Alone Even Though I'm Not,
I Am Loved But I Forgot,
God Is Near But He Feels So Far,
Is It Possible To Be So Unhappy With Where You Are?
I Keep My Sadness Hidden No Matter What I Do,
Nobody Would Love Me If They Knew,
I Let My Tears Flow But Only When I'm Alone,
Smile Through It All No Doubt Be Shown,
"It's Time To Grow Up" They Say, "Big Girls Don't Cry",
"Dry Those Tears From Your Eyes",
But God Is There And He'll Take Your Hand,
Don't Be Afraid, He Understands,
Being Broken Is Not A Crime,
Joy Comes In The Morning But In God's Time,
You Are Not The First To Be Here,
Thousands Of Others Have Feared What You Fear,
It's Okay To Have Questions When You Look Up Above,
There's No Exceptions To God's Love,
So Remember When You Cry And When Your Mourn,
God Brings Rainbows At The End Of A Storm.
Written By,
Melissa (hoover4000)
November 15, 2008
"When Even One Life Has Breathed Easier Because We Lived--This Is To Have Succeeded"
"When Even One Life Has Breathed Easier Because We Lived--This Is To Have Succeeded"
For the past three months or so I have been working cleaning buildings. Ya know, offices, bathrooms, and kitchens. I do it a couple of hours every night and I get every friday and saturday off. I mainly am by myself most of the time, and I can basically do my own thing, so the job really is ideal for my personality since i've always been sort of a shy loaner and i'm a major night owl so getting up early in the morning is a chore. The people I do work with are so far very cool, so the jobs going great. However, lately I haven't been making enough money, I mean I make enough to get by but not enough to actually move forward, so I end up feeling like i'm in a rut, trying to peddle a bike with no wheels. I can't say cleaning toliets every night is the funnest thing, but it doesn't bother me as much as it did when I first started doing it.
My best friend Teri has cleaned buildings for 6 years now, and since she has kept the job for so long I figured it could be something I could handle because we are so much alike in the way we think. At first I had a problem with being too slow, i've always been a "slow" person. Not mentally really but physcially, I just take my time without even realizing it. A man named Scott follows behind me vacuuming and mopping while I do trash and dusting monday through thursday, and he can't start on a room until i'm done with it, so I have to keep up a certain pace. At first it was hard, and my boss Carl finally politely told me that as much as he likes me if I dont speed up he'll have to let me go. So after that I speed up and haven't had much of a problem since, because I NEED this job. I can't live with my mom forever and I hate depending on other people for what I need.
Plus, another thing you have to know about me is, I have a history of quitting things before I even really got started because it got "too hard". School, Jobs, Relationships, everything. I dropped out of school when I was 16 because it was "too hard" getting up and facing the world through my parents nasty divorce and because I had such low self esteem I didnt want people to see me. I was determined they all were judging me and making fun of me. I'm 22 years old now and this 3 month job is the second to longest job i've ever kept. The first is when I worked at Wendys over a year ago, which was about 4 months. I didnt even start working until I was 21. So as you can see, i'm just now getting my act together. Anyway, I would always quit jobs usually within the first week because it got "too hard". I've went through life feeling like a total failure and a lazy bum. That's part of my self esteem problem.
So anyway, this year i've done some major growing emotionally, and I finally just got tired of quitting everything. So i'm proud of myself when it comes to this job because the old me when Carl told me I was going too slow would have quit right there cause I would have assumed I would never catch up so I might as well quit before I get fired. I have only called in sick a couple of times (with school and previous jobs I had a big problem with pulling 'no shows' all the time) and i've never once done a "no-show" and 3 months I know is not that big of a deal but when your me it means your doing pretty good and I intend on keeping this job for a while, at least until God opens up another opportunity for me.
So anyway, i'm finally working through my low self esteem, I still have low self esteem but i've learned not to dwell on it and not let it slow me down from living life. I have always had a lot of potential and i've always been wise but I lacked the drive or desire. I'm finally getting some drive.
The youtube thing has helped with that a lot. It's the longest i've ever kept something up, it's been over 2 years now and i'm up over 7,000 subscribers and at time it's been exustating and it's gotten "too hard" but it's worth it. I dont feel like such a failure because everyday someone tells me how I've changed their life or just made their day a little better with the Gaither clips I post. On thanksgiving I thought about the youtube thing and how kind my subscribers are to me, and I actually started to cry because it means so much. They dont even know how much it means to me because i've never really talked about who I am inside, and my history of feeling like a failure.
So anyway, the point is, a lot of time when i'm at work, in the offices I clean they always have signs with really neat quotes on it. You know quotes to live by day to day, and I like to read them as I go by. The quote at the beginning of this blog is one of them I saw this week and I had to share it with you. It's really God sent to me because it's what God has made me realize that as long as you have left your imprint on someones life in a positive way, how can you say your a failure?
Not only that, but nobody who has loved for God and is putting their heart into trying to make God happy can be a "failure".
I dont always remember this but, i'm doing better!!
Until next time.
Melissa AKA Hoover4000
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