"When Even One Life Has Breathed Easier Because We Lived--This Is To Have Succeeded"
For the past three months or so I have been working cleaning buildings. Ya know, offices, bathrooms, and kitchens. I do it a couple of hours every night and I get every friday and saturday off. I mainly am by myself most of the time, and I can basically do my own thing, so the job really is ideal for my personality since i've always been sort of a shy loaner and i'm a major night owl so getting up early in the morning is a chore. The people I do work with are so far very cool, so the jobs going great. However, lately I haven't been making enough money, I mean I make enough to get by but not enough to actually move forward, so I end up feeling like i'm in a rut, trying to peddle a bike with no wheels. I can't say cleaning toliets every night is the funnest thing, but it doesn't bother me as much as it did when I first started doing it.
My best friend Teri has cleaned buildings for 6 years now, and since she has kept the job for so long I figured it could be something I could handle because we are so much alike in the way we think. At first I had a problem with being too slow, i've always been a "slow" person. Not mentally really but physcially, I just take my time without even realizing it. A man named Scott follows behind me vacuuming and mopping while I do trash and dusting monday through thursday, and he can't start on a room until i'm done with it, so I have to keep up a certain pace. At first it was hard, and my boss Carl finally politely told me that as much as he likes me if I dont speed up he'll have to let me go. So after that I speed up and haven't had much of a problem since, because I NEED this job. I can't live with my mom forever and I hate depending on other people for what I need.
Plus, another thing you have to know about me is, I have a history of quitting things before I even really got started because it got "too hard". School, Jobs, Relationships, everything. I dropped out of school when I was 16 because it was "too hard" getting up and facing the world through my parents nasty divorce and because I had such low self esteem I didnt want people to see me. I was determined they all were judging me and making fun of me. I'm 22 years old now and this 3 month job is the second to longest job i've ever kept. The first is when I worked at Wendys over a year ago, which was about 4 months. I didnt even start working until I was 21. So as you can see, i'm just now getting my act together. Anyway, I would always quit jobs usually within the first week because it got "too hard". I've went through life feeling like a total failure and a lazy bum. That's part of my self esteem problem.
So anyway, this year i've done some major growing emotionally, and I finally just got tired of quitting everything. So i'm proud of myself when it comes to this job because the old me when Carl told me I was going too slow would have quit right there cause I would have assumed I would never catch up so I might as well quit before I get fired. I have only called in sick a couple of times (with school and previous jobs I had a big problem with pulling 'no shows' all the time) and i've never once done a "no-show" and 3 months I know is not that big of a deal but when your me it means your doing pretty good and I intend on keeping this job for a while, at least until God opens up another opportunity for me.
So anyway, i'm finally working through my low self esteem, I still have low self esteem but i've learned not to dwell on it and not let it slow me down from living life. I have always had a lot of potential and i've always been wise but I lacked the drive or desire. I'm finally getting some drive.
The youtube thing has helped with that a lot. It's the longest i've ever kept something up, it's been over 2 years now and i'm up over 7,000 subscribers and at time it's been exustating and it's gotten "too hard" but it's worth it. I dont feel like such a failure because everyday someone tells me how I've changed their life or just made their day a little better with the Gaither clips I post. On thanksgiving I thought about the youtube thing and how kind my subscribers are to me, and I actually started to cry because it means so much. They dont even know how much it means to me because i've never really talked about who I am inside, and my history of feeling like a failure.
So anyway, the point is, a lot of time when i'm at work, in the offices I clean they always have signs with really neat quotes on it. You know quotes to live by day to day, and I like to read them as I go by. The quote at the beginning of this blog is one of them I saw this week and I had to share it with you. It's really God sent to me because it's what God has made me realize that as long as you have left your imprint on someones life in a positive way, how can you say your a failure?
Not only that, but nobody who has loved for God and is putting their heart into trying to make God happy can be a "failure".
I dont always remember this but, i'm doing better!!
Until next time.
Melissa AKA Hoover4000
8 comments:
hi Melissa, you can't imagine how much I've been touched by your story, i'm kind see my self in you!!guess what? now i feel better coz i know somewhere there is girls like me and WHERE ARE NOT FAILURE!!! What's amazing with God is because we always have a second, third, fourth.. Chance!!!God Bless you for sharing!!Take care and don't give up on us
hello melissa,
i read your blog and find that even though we are diffrent in a lot of ways we are really quite the same.you see im an early bird, i like to be done with my work quickly, ect. i to feel the same way quite often and i usually find myself asking God why he puts up with me. i say im god's adhd kid you know the one that always messes things up and cant be still or quiet, lol thats me. God has showed me somethings in a very strange way you see i to by nature am a "loner" and i like to keep to myself also (thus the only friends i have is the 1 i am married to and the others i go to church with). but God in his infinite wisdom has called me to preach,(the very thought of standing in front of people makes me terrified,)but not only has he called me to preach he put me in a sunday school class teaching 9-12 yr.old young men, he has put me in the chior, and has had me to start an outreach ministry reaching children and families, now as you know this doesn't fit into my "loner" and keep to myself mold. the one thing that made the diffrence is that i took God at his word. in the book of Hebrews Paul here is talking to the Hebrews and in chapter 13:5 the tail end there says "he hath said, speaking of Jesus, I will never leave thee, nor foresake thee. and in Phillippans chap. 4:13 it reads "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."
you see God has equipped us for the battle but its up to us to fight. i pray that God blesses you and helps you on your journey in this life and if i can ever be of any assistance please feel free to contact me my user name hear is neo20001p. God Bless and Merry Christmas :)
im sorry my user name here is Bro. Abe neo20001p is my youtube user name lol sorry again
Melissa,
Don't forget God won't give you anything you can't handle with His help. It is easy to give up or quit when we are depending only on our strength. I have to remember this myself and I have taken to asking for His help in little things too.
On a side note. My little people(my four kids) love the videos on youtube. I have a 4,3 2 and 3 month old. My 2 year old loves Buddy Greene. Thank you for those posts and I will add you to my prayer list.
I can't even begin to tell you how much I enjoy the videos that you post on youtube. I had never heard a lot of the artists before and now they are quickly becoming some of my favs...Booth Brothers being one of them. Thanks for what you do!!
Hi, Melissa
I'm Leandro, from Rio de Janeiro - Brazil. I just felt like I had to drop a little note to tell you I love the videos you post on YouTube!! I've just seen the "Wonderful Grace of Jesus" clip, by the Cathedrals... It has always been one of my favorite hymns ever, and I've always loved harmony. Don't let any of that failure stuff fill your head, because the truth is that God is using your wonderful heart and your skills to touch people -- all over the world. You see, somebody here on the other side of the world enjoys your youtube posts and is blessed by watching them. Thanks a lot for all you've been doing and please keep on the precious work on the postings. God bless you and your family!!
Merry Christmas!!
Hi, Melissa, Thanks so much for all that you do on YouTube. I knew nothing about the Gaithers and David Phelps and Guy Penrod and the rest until a friend sent a link in an email, and I was overwhelmed. I read your poem, and feel as you do many times, low self-esteem and loneliness. But I, too, seek God's assurances, and always find them. Your work on YouTube has helped me, and so many others, and I am grateful. Happy Holidays and enjoy your Christmas present from your Mom!
peut tu ecrire ton histoire aussi en francais si il te plazit!
Angelybe(Belgium)
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